Losing the Love
by AyumeSakura
Summary: Revised.Shounen ai, HieiKurama. Hiei is trying to sort out his feelings after something that he can't accept happens. one shot


Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the songs that I put in this fic.  
  
Note: The fic is based on the song "Losing The Love" by Joy Enriques. Okay, on with the fic.  
  
~lyrics~ "talking" 'thoughts'  
  
~*~  
  
Losing The Love  
  
~*~ Hiei's POV ~*~  
  
~There are days when I regret it~  
  
~The things I said to you~  
  
~I put my trust in no one~  
  
~It broke my heart and I blamed it on you~  
  
~You were kind and oh so gentle~  
  
~But I refused to see~  
  
~That someone like you existed~  
  
~I was somewhere in denial~  
  
~While you were loving me~  
  
I am looking down at my best friend's once lively face that had always been so warm and welcoming. But now, that same face is pale and lifeless. His flaming red hair is surrounding his pallid face making him look like a god. 'He's beautiful.' Why had I never realized it? Why had I never realized how much Kurama had... loved... me?  
  
~*~ Flashback~*~  
  
"Kurama hold on!" I heard Yusuke shout, panic and worry evident in his voice, as Kuwabara and I ran over to see what was wrong.  
  
The kitsune was lying on the once lush forest floor that had been filled with various plant life, which had held numerous amount of colors, but was now a wasteland, lacking even the slightest sign of life.  
  
Kuwabara looked at Yusuke nervously. "Is he going to be okay?"  
  
"Of course he's going to be okay, baka." I said, lacking the usual malice. 'Kurama will be fine - he always is...'  
  
Yusuke bent his head down to listen to Kurama's heartbeat, then he looked at his teammates with sadness, tears filling his eyes. "I don't think he's gonna make it."  
  
I just shook my head. "He won't die. Kurama can get through anything, and he'll get through this." I said, my voice cracking slightly. 'He won't die,' I tried to reassure myself. 'He can't leave me.'  
  
But Yusuke just looked at me with sympathy. I was beginning to get angry. 'Why won't he believe me?! Kurama is going to be fine! He always finds a way to get out of even the toughest situations! He won't die now! He won't—' That was when I saw movement, and Kurama slowly opened his eyes.  
  
We were all standing there frozen, as if the slightest movement could be Kurama's downfall. Then, finally Yusuke spoke up,  
  
"Daijobu ka?" He asked hesitantly. I snorted, what a stupid question to ask.  
  
Kurama turned his head towards us and slightly flinched from the pain.  
  
"Baka kitsune, don't move." I said using my usual cold voice. Kurama just gave me a weak smile, but then winced again from the slight movement. I grimaced; had Kurama been wounded that much? I was starting to get worried. "You're going to be fine, right kitsune?" I asked with concern showing only through my eyes.  
  
Kurama was silent, and just looked at me sadly, almost longingly. "Hiei..." He whispered, and then his breathing became more ragged.  
  
"Yusuke!" I heard Kuwabara yell at his friend, thinking that Yusuke could somehow make everything all better. 'He may not be healthy now... but he won't die... he won't die... he won't...'  
  
Kurama's breath became shallower. I just stared at him not believing what I was seeing. 'This isn't happening.'  
  
Kurama tensed before he took one final breath and softly whispered his last words, "Aishiteru, Hiei..."  
  
~I cried myself to sleep last night~  
  
~When I woke up~  
  
~There were tearstains on my pillow~  
  
~It hurt so much to sacrifice what I gave up~  
  
~Without you in my life~  
  
~I will always feel lonely~  
  
~Losing the love~  
  
~From someone like you~  
  
I can't stand being here anymore, surrounded by all these crying ningen. I need to get away, so I run out of the building where the 'Memorial Service' was being held.  
  
I keep running; running wherever my feet take me. I have to escape this, but how can I? How can I escape from this pain that I'm feeling? Why did you have to go kitsune? I... I need you... here... with me.  
  
My feet come to a stop, and I realize I'm in standing in the middle of a field covered with numerous amounts of plant life that seemed to have every beautiful color imaginable... it makes me think of him... 'It feels like he's near me; not close enough to touch but there just the same.' The sun above me is shining brightly, contradicting what I am feeling: despair, anger, and longing. 'You would like it here, Kitsune... being surrounded by these beautiful flowers... though these flowers could never even begin to look as beautiful as you had...'  
  
~Not a day goes by without something~  
  
~Reminding me of you~  
  
~The truth is that I miss you~  
  
~It gets so hard not being with you~  
  
~There are times when I go crazy~  
  
~In the twilight of the night~  
  
~How I long to be with you once again~  
  
~There's pain that I hold~  
  
~That will not let me go~  
  
I fall to my knees. I couldn't take it any longer, the pain is just too much. He had been the only friend that I could rely on. I trusted him... relied on him... loved him... yes, I loved him. Deep down I knew, but I was afraid; afraid of being rejected. I was born the Forbidden Child, how could anyone, especially Kurama, love someone like me? But he had loved me, and I had been too blind to realize it, too afraid of hoping that he could possibly love me back. But now I know the truth: I've always loved him...  
  
"Aishiteru, Hiei..."  
  
And he had loved me.  
  
"I love you too, Kurama"  
  
~I cried myself to sleep last night~  
  
~When I woke up~  
  
~There were tearstains on my pillow~  
  
~It hurt so much to sacrifice what I gave up~  
  
~Without you in my life~  
  
~I will always feel lonely~  
  
~Losing the love~  
  
~From someone like you~  
  
Happy now that I realized that my love had been reciprocated I give a small smile. That's when it struck: it was too late. We can never be together again, I can never show him how much I really loved him. I feel a lone tear trail down my cheek and fall to the ground.  
  
"It's to late, Kitsune, it's too late."  
  
I then cover my eyes with my hands trying to keep more tears from escaping, but it was in vain.  
  
~I don't want to make this too hard~  
  
~But I just want to be where you are~  
  
~In your life, by your side, forever~  
  
Suddenly, I begin to feel as if I'm being comforted, as if the kitsune was standing right next to me. It's like his presence is surrounding me, protecting me from any harm or pain that might come my way. I begin to relax and my tears become more sporadic. I sigh sadly but contentedly.  
  
"Aishiteru, kitsune, now and forever."  
  
~I cried myself to sleep last night~  
  
~When I woke up~  
  
~There were tearstains on my pillow~  
  
~It hurt so much to sacrifice what I gave up~  
  
~Without you in my life~  
  
~I will always feel lonely~  
  
~Losing the love~  
  
~From someone like you~  
  
~*~ OWARI ~*~  
  
A/N: wow.. I finally revised this... I kept thinking about doing it, but it just never happened... now I have to go fix my other fics. R and R onegai!  
  
Oh, and if anyone wants to when I'm writing a new fic you can look my up on livejournal.com. I usually put little summaries for the fics I plan to write.  
  
Ja ne!  
  
~AyumeSakura 


End file.
